Late Night Special: The Beginning...Originally started March 2008

It's amazing how your mind tends to wonder so much at night. Is it because you're all alone with your thoughts or just us taking the time to connect with the rest of ourselves (meaning mind, body, & spirit). While laying here all sorts of thoughts swarm my mind. My past, my present, my future & how this all came about. Lord knows I've gone through some rough & crazy times, but I'm here still thinking of how I'm going to figure out my future and the steps to take in the present from the strength I've gained from the past. As of late I've been very happy. I'm starting to understand myself and my surroundings more and more. It's wild how every second can be like seasons. All in the span of a few minutes I can go start in summer and end in winter, but I've learned to work through it. People come and go in my life as well as me passing through thiers. It is not ALWAYS in vain, but I'm trying to find a happy medium I guess. No one can do that but me so if I have to cut some people from the team in order to achieve this then that's what it is. Not to offend anyone of course. Yeah, I can be a bitch and I can be the sweetest girl that's just who I am. Just love me for who I am and if you can't then GET 2 STEPPIN SHAWTY! Yeah, I've tried to hold on to some things (& still holding on to a few of them) that I really shouldn't be. You tend to want to stick around, but honestly idk if thats's what it's supposed to be... I hate to say it, but it's time we both spread our wings, but know you're still the best in my book. I also find myself holding grudges that I shouldn't and holding on to the things in my life that I simply can't change. For those of you that KNOW me and REALLY know me you know I still have trouble with my past with my mother's death. I mean it's just one of those things you just don't "move on" from ya dig? But, I must learn to LIVE ON. I'm still trying to figure myself out so don't ask me what I want because majority of the time I won't know what that is exactly. There is one thing that I do know though...it's a wonderful feeling to have someone to talk to that knows EXACTLY how you feel or tries hard to listen and understand without being selfish but self-giving I guess I should say. I've smiled more now than I can remember me doing in a while. I was starting to lose hope, but there's someone that I know feels how I feel & understand what I say. May not as secure about speaking, but that's something that will eventually fall into place. Just want you to know that I adore & appreciate you. You have a wonderful mind and our conversations are fun-filled and deep all at the same time. Whether it be cartoons to random things in life or life itself. I'm most comfortable with you and hopefully that says something. So, in some weird way thanks for January 1st (lol) {Ms. Butta Pecan ova & out LMAO}. To all the females I've had run-ins with look I apologize for my ignorance IF there was any on my part. I don't take well to the females species which is a funny thing so if hang around you more than a few minutes at a time consider yourself special lol. No I'm not conceited so don't start runnin' your mouths...wait they talked about Jesus so what am I saying? He he! Anyway, but on somethin real all I'm sayin is just do you and I'll do me. Plain & simple. And God I know that I mess up...A LOT, but thank you for your many blessings. I couldn't have made it without you sending your angels that night and sparing my life. You have a great purpose for me and I pray I'll see, seek, and understand soon to fulfill your will.