Late Night Special #17: Wondering Aimlessly...Lonely

I look at u smiling & stare at ur pictures...wondering y can't I, y can't we, y can't he? He needs my love and I need someone to build me a new heart to take my mind off of the pain, to be my friend, to love me the way I want & need to be loved...y can't I be satisfied? Y can't I go to him and say all of this face to face? That I do love him and I ask about him 24/7, think about him all the time, but I'm stuck in the middle or in a 3-some rather. I'm in love with him, I love he, and I need to just do me, but u can't have ur cake & eat it too. I need that love... I must focus on school, on bettering myself, on my future, on my present, but how can I when my heart continues to fall apart & rivers flow from my eyes? When will I be peaceful again? When will I know? I want to drink & eat myself into a fat stuper or do I just need therapy? I need a man, with a plan, ambition & that will just ask how my day is tell me I love u, and will make sure it's known that I'm worth more than the occassional, and will satisfy me in every way and respect me, add diamonds to the crown I already own as a queen, acknowledge me, know what 2 say & when to say it, be selfless yet concious of himself, and supports my goals, takes his time with me, cherish me, show me a good time, and be everything...maybe I need to stop looking & let him fall into my lap, just be a lonely heart until....but when is that time? when will we know? how will we know? I pray and pray & pray, but I can't recognize the signs...just know i day dream...