Late Night Special #8: Lesson Learned (A "Dear John" Letter)

Dear John,

I want to scream to the top of my lungs that I hate you...not just hate, but a burning passionate hate, but that's not the case. I had loved you and given you everything willingly; let you take it even. You were living in my entire being I carried you I CARRIED YOU and even when I told you you gave some excuse. "I would've been there if you needed me, I love you, I'm sorry, You're everything to me..." LIES...Because of this I was damaged to say the least. I tried to hide my shattered heart only looking at the pieces in the dark of night, hiding my tears in quiet silence, refusing to let anyone lend a helping hand all because of you. Seems like the world mocks my heart with the love in the air and all around me. Watching others engage in something I thought I had, well, I did have, but only on my side of the road. I had it alone. Now, I don't fault you for anything because you know what? I knew that you never loved me, I knew it was all lies...thought I saw something in your eyes all the way to your soul that wanted you to love me and maybe that's what I held onto. I have let this plague me for far too long. I couldn't no wouldn't allow others to show that there was hope of love in my little world. I never asked for much just for the truth even if it hurt, but you continue to lie even to this very second. But why fool myself? I've said over and over again that I am completely done with you, but this time I COMPLETELY mean it. You are no longer a thought, the beat of my heart, or the reason for my tears. It will take some time, but with the help of someone I will be better. Thanks to someone close to me I have realized this and I will forever be in his debt for reminding me of my worth. As for you I thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson. Thank you for showing me what I do not and will not tolerate in my life, my potential to be the love of someone's life, and that I don't need you. You came to me asking for another chance because you knew I'd give a hundred more and in the next second you'd disappear...well, this time continue that disappearing act. I've found CLEAR air to breath and in my misery I'm actually happy. There is someone waiting to love me and I'm going to give him that chance, I'm going to be ready, I'm going to let go. You outta see me now with the sun in my smile and the stars behind my eyes...one small step for me to what God has for me. Thank you.

JANE DOE